Effective Communication and Coaching
How do you measure the impact of communication?
How do you know if you are being effective? Are your ‘one on one’ interactions achieving their intended outcomes? It would be great if we could get feedback from the person we’ve been talking to, ultimately it’s really in their hands to confirm if it was effective. However, in many cases we aren’t able to get their feedback. Here are some signs that our conversations are effective for them.
Has the person been edified?
To edify is to build up, to prize, to honor, to experience feeling they are enough. It’s making someone feel like they are uniquely special. This is not flattery, rather it’s finding some strength, or quality in the person that they may not see. When you see it, you say it and you name. Naming the positive things you see in a person can be very edifying. People mostly tolerate themselves as opposed to really celebrating who they are. It becomes hard for them to see their own value. It takes an outside person, with no ulterior motive or hidden agenda to simply honor them and tell them a positive truth about themselves. This is edification and people desperately need it.
Are you able to see and mention uniqueness in others?
What does that look like? Something like: “I sense that you are really perceptive. You seem to see things or sense things or you just know.” Or, “I can really see that you love to serve.” Or, “I see that you’re a really generous person.” When you begin to understand what to look and listen for, then when you see it you say it and you offer it to the person.
Everyday people are being torn down, by society, at home and even from their own thoughts. They need someone with a different perspective, with an edifying voice to speak into their lives. When we use metaphors, analogies or categories, we help others identify things about themselves they can celebrate, not just tolerate!
You don’t have an agenda, not manipulating or flattering.
You’re simply honoring them, by telling the truth in love. You’re very clear about not having an agenda, only providing your feedback in love, not judging them. And that’s called edification. We all need to be built up. We’re being torn down everywhere, in the culture, in the home and in our self-talk. There is a huge need for somebody to have an opposite spirit an opposite conversation, a different talk, a certain sound that lifts us. You and the person you are engaging will have a positive experience.
The posture of edifying others is fundamental to being an effective communicator. When you start with an attitude that asks questions like the following ones, you will become a more effective communicator and a more effective coach. How can I build this person up? How can I strengthen them? How can I find a way to honor their existing strengths, while making them stronger? What can I celebrate in them where they haven’t been celebrated lately? What quality in them can I observe and name that they’ve never identified or given a named?
An effective communicator finds ways to name an organization, to name a group, or to name an individual, in a way that celebrates who they are, builds them up and leaves them feeling strengthened.
I encourage you to build someone up today and you will see a difference in how people respond to the conversations you have with them.
Learn more about having effective conversations in our Master Communicator training!